29 Apr 09

It’s hard to believe, but today is kind of a slow day at work. I probably just jinxed myself, but that is not what this is about. Since it was slow I was doing some soul searching if you will about this marathon thing. You know is it something I really want to do, is it something I can do. I know in my heart it is something I want to do and I know I have it in me to do it. I was so close 9 years ago. It just gets discouraging sometimes. I feel tired, sometimes the shorter runs are hard and I think how in the world can I do 26.2 when I’m hurting so bad at 3. The eating right is hard, some days more than others. It takes away time from my family. Like yesterday me and Casey went fishing then I had my run and walking to do so that added another hour and half onto my day. I called Jenny to tell her what was going on and where I would be at and she said so I won’t be seeing you tonight. That made me feel bad I know she didn’t intend for it to, but the whole rest of the night I keep telling myself I should just cut the night short and go home. I didn’t though, I stuck with it because I just need 11 more miles over the next two days to have in 150 this month and I really want to reach this goal, so I knew If I cut it short I’d have to do it today and tomorrow to get it in. Then when I got home last night Jenny was still up, but she was ill and as I lay in the bed trying to go to sleep I kept asking myself should I have just came on home. This bothers me because I really do want this weight loss thing to stick this time and I want that marathon, but I want my family to be happy. How do you get a balance? I’ve started working on a breakdown of my time to just see how much I’m putting in this. I guess we’ll see later what it shows I’ll post it here as soon as I get it done. Lord help me with this give me the strength, courage and peace to reach this goal Amen. To have come so far with this why do I feel so bad emotional y about it this. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I do hope to start writing more about the emotions involved with this, because like it or not they are a big part of it and yes a lot of this is mental. Doing this today not tomorrow.